- Messages
- 3
- Location
- Pittsburgh, PA
My husband and I received a super-surprise holiday gift from his sister on Christmas Eve. I'm a big believer in "never give animals for gifts if you don't check first." She is DARN lucky I have a soft spot for all creatures (except spiders O.O') It went something like the following:
Hands wine bottle sized gift bag, "I wanted to give you something really, really special for Christmas to say thank you for everything you do for us. So here." Hubby opens the bag. Two small, two cup sized containers inside, odd white with writing on them, "He's a bearded dragon. See, somebody accidentally hurt him when they were cleaning the cage (Note: She's a groomer at PetSmart) and so his hand may be paralyzed forever, but he can walk just fine. The other is crickets." I just sort of stared at her. We all sort of stared at her. My brain whirred. Slow as mollasses left on the front porch, we live in Pennsylvania, which is in the North-East of the United States for those outside America. Whir. Whir. Whirwhirwhir.
"I'm sorry, what-now? You did what?" I tried not to sound rude. Truth-be-told, I was thouroughly and completely shocked into submission at that moment. I think my mouth was hanging open, and I do believe I had not taken a breath for, perhaps, a good thirty seconds. "A lizard? You gave us a lizard you say?"
She stared back at me, "Yyyyeeessssss?" The tone of her voice was stunned, almost as though *I* were the slow one and perhaps needed to be held back in Christmas present school because obviously I did not know that I was meant to say thank you now, take the lizard and go home until the shock wore off.
"And he's a gimpy lizard...... Wait.... This is like the hamster isn't it?" She had given me a hamster a few years back, a result of a miss-gendered hamster mother who was accidentally placed in an all male hamster store. Hamsters did what hamsters do and.. Well..... There were babies. I took one of them as she tearfully told me it was that or he would be snake food. "So...... You're giving us...... A lizard."
"Why? I thought you were scared of spiders!!! You're not afraid of lizards are you," that last part was said in an almost accusatory tone, as though she were scolding me for not informing her of this imagined phobia I was only now informing her of... Now... At Christmas.. To the ruination of her gift... The surprise gimpy lizard.
"No.. I'm not scared of lizards. I don't... I mean.. I just.." The shock had begun to wear off, and my brain finally caught up, "Becky!! We have SIX CATS!" I have a habit of my own, I rescue animals and the ones that simply haven't been able to be rehomed have stayed. "I mean... Where will I PUT him?? Is it a him? How old is he?"
"I don't know! And I got you a cage and a light! A red one for night and a white one for day and a light fixture," she started rattling off a list, and I sort of stared at her, blinking.
My husband sort of came to life. He had been staring at the tiny container with the just as tiny baby beardie inside, "A..... Lizard.....?"
Becky and I both paused, our heads turned and we stared at him. For just one moment he became the slowest person in the room. That was a record considering the youngest had just turned two on December 13th. However, I always thought my nephew Liam was rather bright. Wayne, my husband, fell back into the safety of silence as the women returned to their "discussion."
Becky continued, "He really is fine. And I have the stuff for you..." She looked so hopeful and serious and really had meant it to be a sweet gesture for both us and for the little guy that I couldn't say no to her. I never could say no anyway, not to hurt animals that had no place else to go.
We held him a little and warmed him up, took him home, found the perfect spot, spent some time with him and fell in love. Two days later we went out and spent entirely to much money on a "gimpy lizard." Now my mornings are spent lightly shaking crickets in calcium dust while happily telling him, "It's Shake and Bake, and I halped." I check the temperature, with TWO thermometers. I change the newspapers. I make sure his crickets fit between his eyes. He's taken a warm bath once already.
We went through a few thoughts on names for him, the main ones were Cyprium Draconis and, jokingly, Fos (for Fos Ro Dah, a Dragon Shout from the video game Skyrim). Fos led us to deciding to name him Odahviing. A dragon in Skyrim is named Odahviing, and his name becomes the Dragon Shout to summon him. His name literally means "Winged Snow Hunter". Perfect for a Christmas lizard.
tl;dr Surprise Christmas Lizard is Awesome!
Hands wine bottle sized gift bag, "I wanted to give you something really, really special for Christmas to say thank you for everything you do for us. So here." Hubby opens the bag. Two small, two cup sized containers inside, odd white with writing on them, "He's a bearded dragon. See, somebody accidentally hurt him when they were cleaning the cage (Note: She's a groomer at PetSmart) and so his hand may be paralyzed forever, but he can walk just fine. The other is crickets." I just sort of stared at her. We all sort of stared at her. My brain whirred. Slow as mollasses left on the front porch, we live in Pennsylvania, which is in the North-East of the United States for those outside America. Whir. Whir. Whirwhirwhir.
"I'm sorry, what-now? You did what?" I tried not to sound rude. Truth-be-told, I was thouroughly and completely shocked into submission at that moment. I think my mouth was hanging open, and I do believe I had not taken a breath for, perhaps, a good thirty seconds. "A lizard? You gave us a lizard you say?"
She stared back at me, "Yyyyeeessssss?" The tone of her voice was stunned, almost as though *I* were the slow one and perhaps needed to be held back in Christmas present school because obviously I did not know that I was meant to say thank you now, take the lizard and go home until the shock wore off.
"And he's a gimpy lizard...... Wait.... This is like the hamster isn't it?" She had given me a hamster a few years back, a result of a miss-gendered hamster mother who was accidentally placed in an all male hamster store. Hamsters did what hamsters do and.. Well..... There were babies. I took one of them as she tearfully told me it was that or he would be snake food. "So...... You're giving us...... A lizard."
"Why? I thought you were scared of spiders!!! You're not afraid of lizards are you," that last part was said in an almost accusatory tone, as though she were scolding me for not informing her of this imagined phobia I was only now informing her of... Now... At Christmas.. To the ruination of her gift... The surprise gimpy lizard.
"No.. I'm not scared of lizards. I don't... I mean.. I just.." The shock had begun to wear off, and my brain finally caught up, "Becky!! We have SIX CATS!" I have a habit of my own, I rescue animals and the ones that simply haven't been able to be rehomed have stayed. "I mean... Where will I PUT him?? Is it a him? How old is he?"
"I don't know! And I got you a cage and a light! A red one for night and a white one for day and a light fixture," she started rattling off a list, and I sort of stared at her, blinking.
My husband sort of came to life. He had been staring at the tiny container with the just as tiny baby beardie inside, "A..... Lizard.....?"
Becky and I both paused, our heads turned and we stared at him. For just one moment he became the slowest person in the room. That was a record considering the youngest had just turned two on December 13th. However, I always thought my nephew Liam was rather bright. Wayne, my husband, fell back into the safety of silence as the women returned to their "discussion."
Becky continued, "He really is fine. And I have the stuff for you..." She looked so hopeful and serious and really had meant it to be a sweet gesture for both us and for the little guy that I couldn't say no to her. I never could say no anyway, not to hurt animals that had no place else to go.
We held him a little and warmed him up, took him home, found the perfect spot, spent some time with him and fell in love. Two days later we went out and spent entirely to much money on a "gimpy lizard." Now my mornings are spent lightly shaking crickets in calcium dust while happily telling him, "It's Shake and Bake, and I halped." I check the temperature, with TWO thermometers. I change the newspapers. I make sure his crickets fit between his eyes. He's taken a warm bath once already.
We went through a few thoughts on names for him, the main ones were Cyprium Draconis and, jokingly, Fos (for Fos Ro Dah, a Dragon Shout from the video game Skyrim). Fos led us to deciding to name him Odahviing. A dragon in Skyrim is named Odahviing, and his name becomes the Dragon Shout to summon him. His name literally means "Winged Snow Hunter". Perfect for a Christmas lizard.
tl;dr Surprise Christmas Lizard is Awesome!
